I think some of the hardest things about TTC are the uncertainty and hope. You know, some months it doesn’t bother me at all, and some months it tears me apart. This is one of those months. I was actually getting excited that I might be pregnant due to some symptoms and what not. And then, the Ole Hag shows up. I am so frickin’ disappointed. What was I thinking that I could actually get pregnant? And the thought of doing this again and again and again. Well, it just sucks. And people tell you to “just relax”. It doesn’t work that way. I could be in a virtual coma and probably not get pregnant. God. I am just so mad. And speaking of God. And am so mad at him. You know, I have had a great life in that I have an awesome family, a great husband, lots of nice things. But my body has failed me since birth (and probably before). The hydrocephalus, the tonsils, ears, other surgeries. Really? Could just one thing be easy? I am so mad at God right now.
August 14, 2008